Ally McBeal, Alice in Wonderland, and learning to *not* stop talking

So today someone came to my home.  in my home.  and asked me a question.  Their voice lilted appropriately at the end of their sentence to signify a question.

Only after I took a breath, was promptly cut off by their own response and left to exhale slowly so as to not be thought of as rude…  did I realize this happens often.  Often enough that in what has become a typical Ally McBeal way – I slipped easily into a character that verbally tore this person a new a$$hole.  All the most perfect words that never come together for me in the heat of the moment flowed from my lips like the most talented of all rap artists.  My adversary shrunk so quickly Alice in Wonderland was left blinking in astonishment and perhaps a tinge of jealousy.

But not really.  As that would not be nice.  I let them talk it out.

I waited.  I have 3 kids after all.  I can be the Queen of Patience.  When at the next breath their sentence lilted indicating this was a direct question, I tilted my head, opened my mouth and dared to respond with my opinion.

It is what was asked of me, in my home, at my table.

Once I finished there was barely a moment of hesitation before I was told I was wrong.

>insert image of my own head exploding here<

Is it a necessary thing to explain to others that my opinion may be different, but that does not mean it is wrong?  I found myself biting my own tongue, refraining from any comment at all and nodded in agreement

though

I

did

not

agree

at

all.

I fear my own skin!  My own mouth has betrayed me!  I have always maintained a formidable  intention to always speak my mind regardless of who may disagree.

Then a funny thing happened (this is a sarcastic remark).   I found myself being insulted in my own home.  For what?  For having an idealistic vision of the workplace and “not being able to keep my mouth shut” about the ways to bring reality closer to my ideal view.

I am so effin’ tired of feeling like I need to apologize for who I am, for what I think.  I am 36 years old for goodness sake!  I have birthed 3 children.  Survived losing 2 Fathers – one as a child – the other just last year.  I work hard.  I think hard.  I try to consider how other’s feel and think.  When are we going to realize that we can each express our opinions?  It does not mean that other’s must adhere to our views.  It does not mean that they must agree with our views.  It doesn’t even mean others have to sit and listen!  But if we do take the time to listen – our ideas combined – pieced out here and taking a bit of another’s thoughts there – we may just come up with something better than any of the singular ideas alone?!?  And doesn’t this sound familiar??  “Two heads are better than one.” Right?

Apparently like so many words of wisdom – they are disregarded.

I am working towards a list apparently.  A list of promises to myself.  A list of things I need to work on. These are going on the list.

I promise not to let someone roll over my words.

I promise not to let someone roll over… me.

Why is it that I feel like I am spending my adult life defending and reaffirming morals and character traits that I held firm to as a child??  Hmmm. 

Please share your thoughts, stories, reactions, your methods of dealing with these situations!!  Thank you kindly in advance!!

~J.Lyn

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